When we hear a "no"

How we respond when something we really hoped for does not happen tells us much about what we're hoping in.  Two nights ago, as our Care Group was walking into our home, we received news that the home we tried to purchase in Crestview, FL had been snatched up by another buyer.  We felt sure that home was for us.  Our realtor even thought so. She said how unusual it was that it had lasted this long on the market.  ("That's because God's been keeping it for us," we thought to ourselves).  Then BOOM!  It was gone.  Back to the starting line again.

This is a small thing in the large scheme of life.  Though our desire is not to rent again after 3 years of living in someone else's property, we humbly realize it is not purely up to us.  God has a plan.  Perhaps renting is best, though we cannot see it now.  Our girls have expressed their desire to "settle in" somewhere, paint their walls and actually hang some photos.  Our oldest is hoping to have a picture of what "home" is before she moves away to college in a few years.  But God may not have that for us.  The lesson of finding our real home in God alone is one Keith and I have been learning all of our married lives.  Wherever we land, whether we rent or buy, it will be our ninth dwelling place as a couple.  Yes we long for something long-term and stable, but God alone can truly provide that sense of "home."

It is hard to know whether I was born with a desire to "nest" or whether the desire was born out of so much moving.  I love to set up a home, decorate it, and make it better than it was when we moved in.  It truly is a delight for me.  But God may have another year (or more) of not settling in.  These two years in Nassau have been so interesting in this regard.  It is the first time we lived in a home that was so big, but also came completely furnished...down to the pictures on the wall.  The only things we brought were kitchen items, books, and a few family photos.  Not a single design idea was mine.  Not a single paint color was our choice.  Yet people walk in and say, "Oh, I love your home."  Or, "What a neat color for your kitchen."  I just laugh and say, "Yes, our landlord has great ideas." 

So as we wait and pray we consider; where is our hope?  As the Lord would have it, our weekly memory verse for church memorization is Colossians 3:1-3.  I'll "recite" it for you now:

"Since you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God.  Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.  For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God."

according to the Spirit

Last Saturday night, I (Kristin) awoke from a nightmare.  In the wake of the fearful dream, I sat motionless on our bed, asking God for help and assurance.  You see, in the dream, I was dying.  But beyond that, in the dream, I was crying out "Jesus, Jesus!"  but could not get my voice above a whisper.  In the nightmare, I could not feel the presence of God or see anything like a "light" or any of the things I was looking to see or feel.  It was dark, empty, and scary.  I began to doubt God's ability to save me from the grave...then I awoke.

Immediately, I began praying, asking God to help restore my confidence in Him and all the truths I know about Him from reading His word.  And He answered.  He gave Isaiah 43 to hold on to.

43 But now thus says the Lord,
he who created you, O Jacob,
    he who formed you, O Israel:
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
    I have called you by name, you are mine.
² When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
    and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
    and the flame shall not consume you.
³ For I am the Lord your God,
    the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
I give Egypt as your ransom,
    Cush and Seba in exchange for you.
⁴ Because you are precious in my eyes,
    and honored, and I love you,
I give men in return for you,
    peoples in exchange for your life.
⁵ Fear not, for I am with you;

I knew in the moments I sat there in the dark, praying, that God wanted me to share this the next morning at church.  During the church prayer time before the meeting, I took the prayer need listed to "Pray that the Spirit will be at work this morning, helping us to employ the gifts that have been given us..."   I knew in my heart that I would go to the prophecy microphone to share.

God arranged it, no doubt.  The flow of the songs we were singing led right to the word I wanted to share :

What heart could hold
The weight of your love?
And know the heights
Of Your great worth?
What eyes could look on
Your glorious face
Shining like the sun?

Your name alone
Has power to raise us
Your light will shine
When all else fades
Our eyes will look on
Your glorious face
Shining like the sun

Who is like You, God?

 

You are holy, holy, holy
God most high and God most worthy
You are holy, holy, holy
Jesus You are
Jesus You are

(Read more: Matt Redman - Holy Lyrics | MetroLyric)

As I shared, I knew God wanted to speak to those with nightmares, both of the night and the day.  Lives that felt like nightmares due to oppression, sinful choices, or other circumstances along with those who battle nighttime dreams of great fear.   And the Holy Spirit was at work.

Four ladies came forward at the end of the service, two of whom struggle with nightmares (including ones of their own death, like mine) and one of whom feels that she's living a nightmare due to the oppressive circumstances in her life.  Only one of the women is a regular attender at our church.  Many women gathered around these dear ladies, engaging in prayer on their behalf.  One lady came to me and shared my word was directly for her.  She is not a regular attender.  In fact, though her husband is highly involved at our church, she attends another church.  But for "some reason" she was at Kingdom Life last Sunday. 

It has been many months since we've seen the Lord move through his people like this.  The fact that the previous week had been our Corporate Consecration Week of Prayer and Fasting is no coincidence, I am sure.  But can't every week be like this?  Where the Spirit is moving in and among us, using our spiritual gifts to touch the lives of His people?  I pray so.  Lord, let it be so.

Let me encourage you this week to be praying for the Spirit to move in your respective churches.  God wants to use his flock to reach those inside and outside the fold.  Don't let your pride, fear, or any other sinful response cause you to stay silent or inactive when you feel God prompting you to go.  Even if your church is not one where gifts like prophecy or words of knowledge are held up as "for today," God expects his people to be speaking words of encouragement, hope, and gospel-truth "speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord; always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father."  (Eph. 5:19-20)

hellos and goodbyes

As I type this, the thermometer on my parents' back porch is reading 10 degrees Fahrenheit.  Quite a change from the usual 80-85 degrees of Nassau!  Lots of snow has been falling in the 5 days the girls and I (Kristin) have been here in Butler, PA.  It was a sight for sore eyes as we awoke Sunday morning to the beautiful white flakes falling down on the quiet scene outside our windows.  A blanket of newness.  We did not know what awaited us that day or the next.  But God gave us a beautiful winter wonderland to come home to that first morning.  Our "Hellos!" had been a happy time the day before as we met mom and dad at the airport and gave hugs all around.  It was a warm day last Saturday, about 40 degrees and lots of sunshine. 

After attending my parents' church, First Baptist, here in Butler, we went to one of our favorite breakfast places for a meal, then headed home.  After having our traditional Christmas dinner that night and cleaning up all the dishes, I sat down to check email.  A lump quickly formed in my throat as a picture I was not prepared to see showed up on an IM from a lady I've never met back in Nassau.  It was a close-up of our Kali-dog's collar.  Dread grabbed me.  You see, on December 18th, Kali went missing.  We had high hopes of her returning to us and had many people across the island keeping their eyes peeled for sight of her.  But when I saw the picture of Kali's collar there on my computer, there was no denying it, she was in fact the dog that had been hit by a car at the foot of our neighborhood several days before.  A kind lady I've never met went back to the seen of the accident where the person who had taken Kali's body away had left her collar.  It was hers, no doubt about it.  I didn't know what to say or do in that first moment.  How could I tell my girls?  We loved this dog like no other pet.  Now God had taken her.  For us, she was one of the brightest parts of our move to Nassau.  It seemed as though a small little piece of us was now lost forever.

The next morning, after a night of sadness, we received even harder news.  Keith called me via Skype saying he had difficult news.  Keva, our dear sister in the Lord and one of our closest friends at Kingdom Life, passed away Monday morning at 9:30.  She had entered the hospital about two weeks ago, was put on a ventilator, suffered what appeared to be a stroke, and simply never woke up.  Keva is nothing short of amazing in her persevering love for God.  For the last 7 years or so she has been battling illness related to her total kidney failure diagnosis.  Amidst it all, she has continued to serve the church, love her family and friends all the more, and praise God with all that is in her.  It is possible that she may be the most joyful saint I've ever met.  And now, she is with her Savior.  Such a loss we cannot even fathom for our little church of 65 or so.  Keva was a part of every facet of our church and her loss will affect everyone there. 

Keva and me.  August 2013

Keva when we first met, August 2010

Please keep Kingdom Life Church in your prayers.  This is a time of grieving for all of us, but especially for Keva's family and Cedric and Alexine Moss.  Keva was like family to them, and was known as "Auntie Keva" even to our own children.  She was a member of our Care Group, and I cannot even imagine having meetings without her in this new year.

Keva Poiter, second from the right.  Always radiant.  She was the guest of honor this year at our Mother's Day Lunch

 

gratis

When my husband and I were in college, the term "gratis" was used for the unreimbursed work you would render to the college if you broke a rule.  Examples of gratis would be: cleaning communal bathrooms, raking leaves, sweeping sidewalks, etc.  Of course, neither Keith nor I ever had to give "gratis" because we, ahem, never broke rules.

The funny thing is, I never really thought about the word "gratis" and what it meant.  I knew it had something to do with grace, but I couldn't figure out why the college administration would call punitive action "grace" when you were caught doing wrong.  You broke a rule, you would pay.  What's gracious about that?  Now I realize that it was really the student who would be offering "gratis" or free work to the college as a penalty for their crime.  But this actually defies the definition of gratis.  Wikipedia defines it thus: 
the quality of an action where the action is willingly provided without any requirement by the provider for compensation or monetary remuneration.

The students at our college were receiving something for the gratis work they did: forgiveness.  By doing the gratis, their record of law-breaking at the college would be wiped away for them. 

At this time of year where obvious blessings are being counted, written of and spoken into microphones at churches around America (or is that only at my parents' little Baptist Church in good 'ole Butler, PA?) the one I am most aware of is the gratis work of Christ.  Remember, gratis is the quality of an action where the action is willingly provided without any requirement by the provider for compensation or monetary remuneration.  Every other gratis work or gift ever given has been completed by someone who stands equally in need of true gospel gratis.  Gratis receivers can become gratis givers.  But Christ never needed gratis.  He defines it for us; in his life...in his death.

Remember in this season, no matter what gifts you are given by friends or family, that though they are gratis to you, they do not ultimately compare to what Christ has given.  These earthly gifts have come to you by those who know what it is to need.  They may feel sorry for you, or identify with you in your need. They want to help alleviate your lack.  Ultimately, they want you to experience the good that they themselves have.  But Christ gave to us from a full cup that never grew dry.  He gives things that don't grow old, or stale, or evaporate.  He gives life and healing and hope and joy.  Eternal things.  He gives from his fullness and it never depletes him.  Gratis.  Unspeakable gratis. No payment required.

thankful theorem

Today was one of those days...the kind where one sees mostly good things for which to be thankful.   A perfect day, not too hot, very low humidity, blue skies.  We lit candles, put some premature Christmas music on, and felt a little skip in our step.  This came at a very opportune time, I assure you.  In my flesh, there is much I could point to as discouraging right now, but God has been working in my heart, quite unexplainably.  Or maybe not so unexplainably?  Lately I've felt the call to pray more and more, unceasingly.  Living overseas has many more challenges than I ever imagined.  Is it possible that we are under specific enemy attack by seeking to promote the gospel in this place?  We think it's quite likely.   And quite honestly, we have grown pretty weary of comments about us living in paradise.  Sinfully, I often bristle at such comments and wish for a moment that the "paradise" experience of having a tarantula run up their leg or a cockroach run across their neck in bed would happen to the person making said comments.  I assure you that if you were to live here for about a month, your ideas of "paradise" would be shattered.  Perhaps that sounds corrective, but surely we should all realize that any tourist spot we've been to has two sides: reality and fantasy.  The fantasy side is what sells.  The beauty, the charm, the fun, the entertainment.  But once that wears off, reality is all that's left. 

 

And that is when the work of being thankful for the hard realities begins.  Here are some of the realities for which I have really just begun to learn to be thankful:

• no family to support us, but a church family that truly cares
• friends who still don't know us well, but are trying to understand us, just as we are trying to understand them 
• scary experiences (snakes, tarantulas, criminal activity) that cause me to run to God for peace and protection
• financial difficulties which cause me to press into God further, trusting Him to provide for bills we cannot pay
• crazy hot weather that reminds me this world is truly the closest I'll ever get to hell, since my hope is in Christ.

Recently we have seen God provide for us in amazing ways.  It's often the little things that "wow" us the most, because we know nobody could have known our need in a certain area but our Heavenly Father.  So when he prompts another child of His to give to us in a specific way, we are amazed!  Just a few days ago, we were praying that God would financially help Kristin's parents to secure plane tickets for her and the girls to visit over the upcoming holidays.  Within a few hours, a friend, somewhat "out of the blue" communicated that they felt led to help us in a particular way that day.  We knew immediately that God was using them to help offset the cost of the plane tickets.  That day also happened to be Kristin's dad's birthday.  How fun it was to Skype with her parents that day and let them know how God had supplied financial resources to help with the plane tickets!

 

Another moment of provision recently occurred when Keith was in Florida visiting family before and after the Sovereign Grace Pastor's Conference.  One family member happily passed on to us not only a laptop computer they no longer needed, but also an ipad!  Keith was so excited to show these surprises to the girls when he arrived home.  A few years ago when we first saw how an ipad worked and the opportunities for assisting in church music it could provide, we prayed that God would someday make it possible for us to acquire one.  Now God has generously supplied us with one, free of charge!! 

 

Another blessing by God through his people came recently when our guest Elisa Pawson came bearing gifts her family had sent.  Chocolate chips, nuts, and coffee are high-ticket items here, due to the rates of duty imposed on them, so when Elisa unpacked her bag and handed us these gifts, we were so grateful!  God cares for us in the most specific ways.

 

So my thankful theorem is this, usually in the midst of the hardest of times, there is a threshold we will cross. We will either give thanks in the midst of hardship and hold on to hope, or begin to complain, tired of the suffering.   So many times, I fail to express thanks to God in these difficult times and just after I "give up" on ever seeing and end to the difficulty, God supplies an answer or a provision.  I then wish I had held out in faith, believing God without doubting in that last moment.  I shared this recently with our Care Group here, and my faithful friend Keva said, "that's because you have to come to the end of yourself before you're ready to receive what God has for you."  Hmm.  Maybe she's right?  But perhaps there's a way to come to the end of myself without losing patience?  Without doubting?  Without giving up on God?  Still working on this "thankful theorem."  Consider these verses from the Hebrews "Hall of Fame" passage:

¹³ All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth. ¹⁴ People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. ¹⁵ If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. ¹⁶ Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them."

AMEN

backtrack post

I was waiting to post about our youth group pool party night here at our home on Sept. 28th because my friend Mindy took pictures for me I wanted to include.  Now that her post is up on her own blog, I'm borrowing the shots she got of our fun evening.  Counter Culture is the name for our Youth Ministry at Kingdom Life, and this year has gotten off to an exceptional start.  We thank God for Clarence and Demetria Rolle who serve our teens week in and week out in this way.  They serve tirelessly in this role.  Not everyone chose to swim that night, but it seemed like a great night for fellowship.  Keith led a discussion called "What's on your ipod?" and it really opened up many lines of thought and discussion for how these young people are interacting with culture through the venue of music.  Many teens had good insight into what they classify as "bad" music, "amoral" music and "helpful" music.  We were blessed to see God at work in the hearts of this next generation, and we pray He continues to grow them spiritually as they enter adulthood.  As with many churches, the 20-something crowd often seem to leave church altogether after either graduating high school or college.  We pray that this new group of teens will not fall to that cycle, but will with God's help, be builders of the church in the years to come.

 

Logan led us in a short worship time

Our small, but great group of teens listening to Keith

Logan, Joshua, Zach, Schneider, and Clarence (our fearless leader!)

a pleasant surprise

Yesterday afternoon Keith called from the office to say the Seeleys  had invited us over for dinner.  This brought a smile to my face.  If you recall earlier posts, we have introduced the Seeley family and talked about their work here as missionaries. You can find them here: http://seeleyfamily87.com/

It was a good night of food and fellowship for us all.  Our friend Jen Rogers (whom we've also written of) and Marion, a missionary here from France joined us at the Seeleys as well.  In the midst of the many hurdles we've recently been facing, it was so helpful to be together with like-minded believers and talk about our challenges and our faith for being here.  The Seeleys arrived on 21/7 back in January and life here has been a whirlwind for them.  Trying to get a full-fledged camp ministry up to the bible camp standards they're used to back in Minnesota is a tiresome job.  Many demands seem to pull at them from all sides.   But although they would not choose this tropical location (like us, they prefer mountains, lakes, and places to hike!) they love the Bahamian people...and so they stay.  Hearing from them, as well as talking through our own challenges in living here helped us regain some perspective.

One of the things we evaluate from time to time is how effective our ministry is here.  Is it bearing fruit?  Are we doing things that reflect the culture?  How can Kingdom Life Church proclaim the gospel through music more effectively?  The Seeleys helpfully, yet simply explained that for them, our being at Kingdom Life was a draw for them to join the church.  Having a "multi-cultural" church with representation by two very different pastors helped them to feel comfortable in our church.  This was helpful to hear.  Since January, God has added three new families and one single to our church...all of whom are Caucasian American/Canadian.  Though we long to see God bring Bahamian people to build the church up, this is not how He has chosen to work right now.  Though many Bahamian visitors have come through the church doors, they do not come back week after week.  Why is this?  What can we do to change this?  We pray, asking for God's guidance.

We thank God for the ways He is working and we want to continually treasure the means of grace, such as biblical fellowship, which he provides in surprise moments like last night.  Our Father knows exactly what we need and when... He is trustworthy.

Left to Right: Logan, Keith, Kristin, Zach, Keaton, Kendall, Kara, Mindy, Tim
Front: Marion and Jen

a growing community

Keisha, Kristin, Keva, Jen, Karen, Aniah, Mindy, Demetria

We're so thankful for the ways God is knitting us in at Kingdom Life Church. And we're seeing God bring a beautiful combination of people to make our "home away from home" family. Two weekends ago we were invited to a birthday party for our new friend, Jen Rogers, who moved here in June from Denver, CO. (We were atonished when we found out Jen was a member of the Denver Sovereign Grace Church!!) She happily began attending Kingdom Life from the very first Sunday she was on the island. As a single lady in her mid-life, Jen is an excellent example of pursuing others rather than waiting to be pursued. She realized that celebrating her birthday could be a lonely time here if she didn't take advantage of the new friends and church family God was placing in her life. When she sent out the invitation to come for cake and fellowship, I was thrilled to see her reaching out to her new church family! And what resulted that Saturday afternoon was much more than a little birthday celebration. We laughed, we explored the native fruit trees at the camp where she lives, we talked of God's provision...we made some great memories. All because Jen reached out. Hope you enjoy the photo fruits of that day!

From left to right: Logan and Tim Seeley, Keith, Clarence and Demetria Rolle, Adalbert and Karen Ingraham, Kristin, Keva, Back row of picnic table: Kara, Mindy Seeley, Kendall, Aniah Ingraham, Andre Rolle.  Front row of picnic table: Jen Rogers, Alexandria Rolle, Keaton

Left to right: Mindy, Jen, Faye, Karen, Demetria

walking in the beautiful wetlands area

We stopped to look at the horses and donkeys at the Learning Center

the gift of friendship

I have always loved reading of the friendship between David and Jonathan.  Long after Jonathan is dead, David is still showing kindness to his friend's offspring.  God knit these two together. 

When I think of the ways in which Keith and I are richest, there isn't anything monetary to point to.  No nest egg, no Swiss bank account, no valuable real estate.  We live not by sight, but by faith that God will keep providing for us, and this almost always happens through his faithful children.  Our richest gain in this life, apart from Christ, each other, and our family, is our amazing friends.  When I say that we have good friends, it is a vast understatement.  Our friends are the kind that: let us live with them for 6 weeks, collect clothing, shoes, homeschool books, and various other needed items for us, help us in thinking through key aspects of parenting, ministry, and marriage, give generously to us of all they have, pray for us, walk through the hardest parts of life with us, rejoice with us when there are times of celebration, come to visit us in our new country and bring us goodies, make time for us in their already packed lives, love our children like family....perhaps you are starting to get the picture?
:
I love the verse in Proverbs 27:10:

Do not forsake your friend and your father's friend,
    and do not go to your brother's house in the day of your calamity.
Better is a neighbor who is near
    than a brother who is far away.

In most Bible versions, the word "neighbor" reads as "friend."  And for us, it has almost always been our friends who are near, since we have moved around so much and not been near family.  God has ordained that for us, and in the absence of family over the years, God has given us the rich gift of deep friendship.  This past week and in the week to come, we have the privilege of staying with friends, meeting friends for meals, sharing our lives and hearing about theirs, hugging, reminiscing, and laughing together.  Friday night we spent the evening at Kevin and Becca Deming's home in Holly Springs, NC.  Becca was my college roommate and matron of honor.  Kevin was also our college friend and has been serving as a youth pastor for about 20 years.  They are amazing!  We laughed, cried, listened, and spoke of the goodness of God together.  They are partnering with us in our mission to Nassau, even though they aren't in the Sovereign Grace family of churches.  They showered us with gifts and love during our stay and we are forever grateful.  They hope to return to Nassau to visit us (they were just there on a mission trip in June) within the next 2 years or so.  This time, they (hopefully) will bring their boys!  God is so good to us, giving us friends who love in thought, deed, and action.  This weekend, Saturday and Sunday, we are at CROSSWAY CHURCH in Lancaster and are staying with the Randy and Tina Wenger, and Dan and Julie Garner are here at the house with us as well, doing a family sleep-over so we can enjoy extended times together.  Tina and Randy were our care group leaders upon first moving to Lancaster and quickly became close friends.  Dan and Julie go WAY back with us and have been through so much with us, as well as being responsible for our move to Lancaster.  Our children love being here, as it is the last "home" they think of from our time living in Lancaster.  Last night, Quay and Shannon Hanna and their kiddos came to visit, and we had a wonderful time of reconnecting.  Shannon has been collecting shoes, handbags, jewelry and gifted the girls and I with all of it last night.  What a blessing she is to me!  This morning we get to worship at Crossway Church for the first time in over a year...and in the NEW BUILDING!  Keith will lead worship and we will get to reconnect with all of our sending church.  We go with full hearts, aware that our riches are the people who love us, surround us, and keep us always on their hearts and lifted up in prayer! 

The Demings and the Buntings...friends
since 1991!